If you want your kids to do more, do less.

Most parents I talk to want their kids to be more responsible, more independent, and to take initiative. And while many parents want to see these behaviors in their kids they don’t show it through their actions. What I mean is that parents continue to do things for their children that their children are capable of doing themselves and yet they are surprised when their children aren’t more independent.

When parents do tasks for their children that they can do for themselves, they are teaching them to be dependent, the exact opposite of the responsible and independent traits parents are hoping to instill in their children. Parents are also inadvertently teaching their children that their parents do not think they are capable of completing these tasks on their own.

In Positive Discipline we discuss how all children seek out belonging and significance. Children feel significant when they feel capable of contributing to their family. Feeling significant and capable encourages and empowers children to be more independent and responsible. But when parents continually pick out their kids clothes, put their shoes on their feet, pack their lunches, and clean up their toys, they take away the opportunity for them to practice independence and to gain confidence and competence.

So if you want your kids to start doing more, start by doing less.