Modeling Gratitude is One of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Kids… And Your Marriage.
We all want grateful kids: kids who say thank you to their grandparents for birthday gifts without being prompted, remember to thank their friends for coming over to play, and who express gratitude when their parents help them with a tricky math problem or cook their favorite meal. In fact, I think we’d all like to have kids who can express gratitude even when it isn’t their favorite meal.
But contrary to popular practice, nagging kids to say “thank you” is not the most effective way to raise grateful kids. Modeling gratitude is the key to raising grateful kids. Telling kids to be grateful is one thing, showing them what gratitude looks like by practicing and expressing it yourself is far more effective.
Modeling gratitude for your kids means making gratitude a habit for yourself first. Start small and soon you will notice just how many things you have to be grateful for. Thank your family for everything they are doing that is helpful and kind. Thank your kids for unloading the dishwasher, bringing their backpack in from the car and grabbing a jacket on a chilly morning. Thank your partner for taking out the trash, filling the car with gas, and buying more toothpaste.
When gratitude becomes a habit, you start looking for more things to be grateful for. You notice the kindness between siblings when they decide to split a cookie and you thank them and tell them how proud you are that they have learned to share so well. You notice the one morning that your child ties their shoes on their own and doesn’t need to ask for help. You notice the colors of the changing leaves and the thoughtfulness of a stranger holding the door. By practicing gratitude and modeling gratitude you become more grateful.
When your children hear you thanking them for clearing the plates after dinner, they are inspired to thank you for cooking it. When you thank them for brushing their teeth without being asked, they may thank you for reading them a book at bedtime. When you thank them for spending a weekend afternoon riding bikes together, they may feel inclined to tell you the same.
Teaching your kids to show and express gratitude is not the only positive impact of modeling gratitude. Practicing a habit of gratitude has a hugely positive effect on your marriage or partnership. Everyone wants to feel appreciated in a relationship and with the sheer amount of work it tasks to raise a family and run a household, it is easy to feel unappreciated or taken for granted at times. Telling your partner “thank you” and expressing gratitude on a regular basis shows that you appreciate all they do and, again, models for your children how important gratitude is in a family.
Expressing gratitude within a partnership makes your partner feel seen for all the “invisible work” that all of us parents do to make our households run smoothly. It can be easy to just assume that your partner will do the grocery shopping or pack the lunches or mow the lawn like they always do and to forget to even say anything about it. Saying “thank you” only takes a few seconds and it goes a long way in making your partner feel appreciated. And they might even be inspired to thank you back.
This week’s challenge is to thank each person in your family for something every day. Notice one small thing they do each day and thank them for it. Start building the habit of gratitude and watch how modeling it for your family has a much greater impact than simply telling your kids to say please and thank you.
Thank you for reading. I’m grateful you are here.
