Teaching Independence Starts Earlier Than You Think
As parents we all think about teaching our children independence and responsibility. During the long, hard days of infancy and toddlerhood, many of us dream of what it will be like one day when they can get themselves dressed, make their own snack and let us go to the bathroom alone. Yet many parents wait until their kids are school age to start teaching and encouraging independence. Kids can start learning and practicing the skill of independence much, much younger, it just might look a little bit different than we typically think.
Babies learn independence by lying on the floor alone for a few moments, gazing at their toes. Toddlers learn to put their blocks back in the basket after playing, which may take many repetitions but eventually they start to do on their own. Preschoolers begin to get themselves dressed and make simple snacks, though neither may be what you would have picked for them if you had made the choice.
When we wait too long to teach independence, it makes it more difficult for both parent and child. We have unintentionally taught our children to rely on us for everything, to be completely dependent. They expect us to do everything for them because we have been doing everything for them. And we get frustrated with their lack of independence because we are burnt out from doing everything. Parents also sometimes think that their children can make a huge jump from almost no independence to suddenly getting themselves dressed and ready for school each morning without much intervention. This is an unreasonable expectation and is not setting them up for success.
When teaching independence, start small and start early. Start with simply picking out the clothes one week, putting on their shirt independently the next and by the end of the month they are getting dressed all by themself. Starting early also takes the pressure off. When a two year old starts is interested in dressing independently, it feels fun and exciting that they are learning a new skill. If a kindergartener is just now attempting to get dressed independently because you do not have time to help them on busy school mornings, the need for independence feels stressful and high stakes.
Think about which independent skills your child would most benefit from working on, either because it is an area where you need help or because they already have the skills and interest in that area. And then encourage, encourage, encourage. Notice their effort. Do not expect perfection. Celebrate the tiny, incremental progress that children achieve in their journey toward independence. And stand by in awe when one day, they do it all by themselves.
