This is Not an Emergency

I’m currently teaching a live, online, positive discipline parenting class and the takeaways are as much for me as for the parents participating in my class. During our first class we realized that we are all calm, patient parents, the kind of parents we strive to be, until the moment that things start to feel like an emergency. Now when we think about how often real emergencies occur, it sounds as though we are all parenting exactly how we hope to be nearly all the time. However, our calm, cool and collected parenting doesn’t just go downhill when there actually is an emergency but when things feel like an emergency: a critical distinction.

If you are a parent of young children, you likely know what I’m talking about. When you’re in charge of tiny humans things that feel like an emergency typically start even before breakfast. There’s the wrong color cup that triggers a tantrum, the overstimulation and overwhelm that comes from being asked an excessive number of questions before the coffee has even brewed, and the constant mental weight of being responsible for the health and wellbeing of other human beings.

A misplaced favorite stuffed animal feels stressful and urgent. A misplaced favorite stuffed animal at bedtime? Full emergency mode. Constantly finding lost items, rushing from one thing to the next, the stress of getting yourself and small people who inevitably have forgotten how to put on socks to an appointment on time? It all feels like an emergency and puts our nervous systems in overdrive.

When much of the day to day management of a family feels urgent, it is nearly impossible to be the parent you want to be. When you are stressed, overwhelmed and reacting to what feels like an emergency, you are doing just that: reacting. You are not thinking, planning and proactively addressing the challenges of parenting in the ways you want to.

So if there is one simple but impactful shift to make to your parenting this week, let it be this: the constant reminder to yourself that

this is not an emergency

Very few things are truly an emergency, and yet we treat every day occurrences like emergencies all the time. A tantrum (whether your child’s or your own) feels like an emergency but typically burns out and resolves itself within a few minutes. A lost item will likely be found within a few minutes, and even more quickly if we all remain calm. Not every request needs to be addressed immediately. Not every question answered.

Pause before answering. Take a breath before deciding. You have time. This is not an emergency.